shel

October 15, 2008... 4 years later.. If someone were to tell me when I was 8 years old and playing hide 'n' go seek in the old barns on the Barton farm with my three best friends, Shelly, Jenny, and Carmen, that in 20 years one of them would be gone, I would have thought they were crazy. If they were to tell me that my best friend Shelly, that I played in the canals with, would no longer be around to chat to or email, I wouldn't have believed them. If they were to tell me that the same Shelly, that I used to sit on the steps with, that we pretended were church pews, and while we were singing hymns, we would smoke 'Q-tip' cigarettes, I would not believe them.

Shelly is the first person in my life that I ever referred to as my best friend. I remember when my dad took a job transfer to Ohio when I was ten, it was the hardest thing that I ever had to face in my life thus far, and the one thing that I had to look forward to, that brought a smile to my face were Shelly's faithful letters. I still have every one of them. I think we wrote from the time I was ten years old, until email became the way to communicate when I was 23. She was always there for me, usually not in person, but always by written word. She is the one who came to visit me during my first week as a freshman in college. I never told her I was feeling alone and a little lost, but she sensed it, I know, and made the 5 hour drive, just to spend that weekend with me. It meant so much to me, and we had such a great time. I love looking at the photos from that visit.

After Shelly got sick, it was hard. I guess one never knows quite how to act or react to a situation like hers. Some people have such a great ability to talk about the unknown and the most scary scenarios, but at that time in my life, I was not one of them. Looking back, I wish I would have been, but I never dug too deep or prodded her too much about how grave her illness was. It was hard for me, and I could only imagine how hard it was for her. I hope she knew how much I worried and how much I cared, even if it wasn't something I vocalized very often. Whenever we talked or emailed, I was continually amazed at her incredible strength and ability to cope with such pain, disappointment, and constant change.

The thing I will remember most about Shelly is her faith. I don't think I know someone on a personal level with more faith and trust in God than her. She always put everything in His hands and gave her life to Him. I am in awe at her strength and her endurance to the end. Shelly is my friend, my first best friend, and will never be forgotten for as long as I live.

I love you Shel, and still miss you so much.