my heart took a picture....

of things the lens cannot....

We live in such a technology driven world, and everything that we do can be captured digitally if we so choose.  Because I am such a lover of photos, and making memories, I do love this about the time in which we are living.  But, there are certain things that no matter how advanced the technology, no lens of mine, no point and shoot, no iPhone or android I own, could ever capture what my heart can.  On April 23, 2013 my heart took many pictures.  I don't want to ever forget them...

So here goes.

Here are the moments I probably won't, but don't ever want to forget:

 

Ryan and I drove to St. Mark's Hospital for my scheduled induction, arriving at 8 am.  After getting checked in, we were escorted into L&D room #2 where I met Chandra, my L&D nurse, a complete angel in so many ways.  As she was getting me all ready for the day, Dr.Yamashiro showed up and by 8:30 he had broken my water.  Chandra started my pitocin drip at around 9:30.  And then the waiting began.  At about 3:30, just as Carmen arrived, my contractions were getting pretty intense, and Ryan needed to leave to make a few work calls.  (plus he doesn't like to see me that way, and I understood)  Carmen took over and coached me, held me, rubbed me, talked to me, as did Chandra, until the anesthesiologist could get there (he was in an emergency C-section) to give me an epidural.

During that time of intense pain, I was ever so grateful for my sister.  Even after recently expressing huge gratitude to her, she still doesn't realize how much her just being there helped me through that hour.  I literally had maybe 20 seconds in between each set of contractions, and they were so intense.  I have never been in that much pain.  EVER.  (My hat is off to those "Joan of Arc's" who choose natural childbirth... not my thing...)  My mom arrived around 5.  The nurse checked me and said I was at a 7 by that point, which was good news to me!  Ryan returned, and then Chal and Tara came in shortly after that.  The support crew, who are all family to both Ryan and me were all there and ready for the action.  I had finally started to feel relief, and things were great.  Ryan went and got everyone (but me) dinner.  Luckily I had no appetite after my drama episode of pain.  It kinda zapped me a bit, and more than anything, I was just happy to have my drugs.   Everyone literally was just finishing up their dinner, we were all relaxed and enjoying the moments together, and joking around. And then chaos began.  My nurse and another nurse rushed to my bedside, put oxygen on my face, telling me not to worry, the baby needed it, but everything would be OK.  They adjusted the way I was positioned, and said that the baby's heart rate was erratic and that things were starting to happen.  They checked me and I was at a 10! It was now 6:30, Yama showed up and asked me if I was ready.  I told him I was scared, but excited.  They got everything ready for delivery and at 6:45 he had me start pushing.  It was during these next 18 minutes when my heart really starting taking pictures, and no matter what, nothing but just that, my heart, could ever really explain the intensity of those short minutes.  In those minutes, everything changed for me and Ryan in an incredible way.  My mom was on my left side holding me, Chal on my right, and Carmen and Tara at the end of the bed by Dr. Yama. All of these women were so incredible to me with their tenderness, and support, and coaching.  I was surrounded by an amazing amount of love.   But even with all that, the best was who was at my left shoulder, holding my hand.  Each time I had a short break from pushing, I would look up and over my left shoulder and there was my sweet husband, and with an intensity that I have never seen, his eyes spoke so many things to me.  I love my husband so much, but in those moments I learned love in a new way, and I felt love in a new way.  He was such a strength to me during those short reprieves; something I needed more than he will know.  At 7:03 pm baby Dare Grant Bailey entered our lives, took his first breath, and stole mine and his daddy's heart.  He came into this world wide awake, and without a sound.   He just stared right at me, and looked into my eyes.  I was a little worried, and in a panic I asked my mom if he was OK, because to me if he wasn't screaming, it meant he wasn't breathing.  She stroked my head and told me that he was fine.  He was just getting acquainted with everything, and figuring this whole new world out.  He rested on my chest for a few minutes, then I told Yama I wanted his auntie Chal to cut his cord, so she did.  That was a heart moment for sure.  I won't forget it.   The nurses then took him over to get weighed, measured, and cleaned up.  Our little baby weighed in at 7 pounds and 11 ounces, and measured 19.5 inches long. (A little side note, and something that to me and to Ryan is another sign that he was meant to be with us: Ryan weighed 7 lbs 11 oz when he was born. Just like Dare. I was born at exactly 7:03 am, and Dare was born at 7:03 pm. That could not be planned if we tried. Pretty amazing.)   I finally heard him cry for a little bit while they were gathering his stats, but I kept hearing everyone say how good he was, how alert he was, and how calm he was.  All of that was so reassuring to me, but very surprising.  He seemed like such a hyper active little guy while in utero!  

 

The rest of the evening was all about loving our new addition, having family time, and welcoming visits from my dad, auntie Mijken, (who wanted to be there but had to work and then tend to her single mom duties)  and my Aunt Cris and Uncle Terry, who just happened to be passing through SLC on their way home to Oregon.  It was really great to have them all there to love on our new little guy, and share in our happy moments.

 

 

Now for the digital captures...

 

with Carmen and my mom

the soon to be new parents

Chandra wanted to know every one's names

my biffy Chal

2 of my left side cheerleaders intently looking at Dr. Yama during the action

so fresh, so new, and so much bigger than I expected...

 

Our first real moment together with baby d

 

Auntie Tara

Auntie Chal

Auntie Carmie

Grandma Foutz

proud proud Daddy

It's not the whole photo I love, it is what was captured in the background. 

I love him.

And, again in these photos.  Ryan and I have both agreed that the whole experience was much more emotionally overcoming than we could have ever known it would be.  It was pretty special.

He finally cries!

and shortly after, he is so content.

Grandpa Foutz

Uncle Terry and Aunt Cris

Auntie Mijken

Grandma Gayle

My good friend Carolyn dropped in for a visit

Uncle Brett

Auntie Kathy

Uncle Gary

cute Jazie (Tara's daughter)

In his car seat all ready for his ride home

Dare came home on a beautiful Thursday afternoon.  The green grass and fresh tulips were there to welcome him.

His first moment with his Grandpa Darrell...his namesake.  A very special moment.

My great friend Susan Bennett came over with her husband Steve to steal some loves.  She is such a supportive friend, and has been so good to me through all of this fertility/pregnancy challenge.

Bogey goes between being very protective and being very jealous.  He is being protective in this moment.  He sat there for like 2 hours and didn't move. 

A visit from his cousins Keegan, Kate, and Alden.

 

A visit from Sharon

A visit and a feeding from Brecken Barnson

 

For now that is all.  But, it has just begun...