radiant jo

Dear Jo,


I have wanted to take the time to share something with you. For obvious reasons, you have been on my mind often. The past few times that you have been in the salon for your appointments with me, I have felt very emotional. Tears very near the surface, and a few times some have escaped as we have spent our time together. The first couple visits, I attributed the emotions to sadness for what you have to endure, to the fear of the unknown, to the high emotions of your kids, especially Jamie. Also, to the pain that you have been experiencing, and all the obvious multiple other changes that have forced your vibrant lifestyle to shift to a place you never expected to be, or asked to take over. Although these are all reasons for tears and emotions, last week when you were in, and I was feeling this emotion, something shifted inside of me. After you left I was thinking a lot. I realized that I had been labeling these feelings wrongly. What I have really been feeling when I have been in your presence is love. A love that is so overwhelming, it brings tears. It is different from love that I have known because it is not a parent-child love, a spousal love, a friendship love, or an animal love, because I have felt those loves before, and this is different. What I have felt when I am around you is a divine love. It overwhelms me, because of its all encompassing presence, but I love it. Even if you do not know it, you carry divine love everywhere you are. I don’t know if you have been told this, but if not, it doesn’t mean others are not feeling it.
Thank you for your example of bravery, of courage, and of acceptance. I have loved and enjoyed you so much, from the first time I met you. And, over the time that I have spent around you, I have learned a lot about the type of mother I want to someday become. Really, I have. And, since April, I have learned more from you. Simply because of the way you have approached what has been dealt.
Because of the person you have been your whole life, an amazing amount of people are in your cheering section. For that reason, I am convinced that there is divine power continuously flowing around you. It brings out beauty when you don’t feel it, courage when you don’t have it, strength when yours is gone, and radiant love surrounding you full-time. All of which, those around you are privileged to feel along with you. I thank you for this. My one true hope and wish is that this experience will be over soon for you, but that the love that surrounds you will continue on, even after your body is once again whole. And I know this will happen. You are going to get better.

My season tickets for this season of your life have already been purchased, and I’m one of those in your cheering section. It’s an honor to be a part.

--- I sent this letter to her in June, just a few months after her diagnosis.  I was so sure she would beat it, and heal.  Sometimes, hope is all you have to hang onto.  And, sometimes, things unravel much different than hoped.  Now, it's time for acceptance.  She is gone.  But, not really.  She marked my heart forever.