catch up. raw. real.

I had a teacher in my youth, a long time ago tell me that her favorite quote was: "procrastination is the thief of eternal life".  It resonated then, and I have always remembered that.  Mostly because I am such a task oriented person who feels much more at ease and whole as a person when I am actually accomplishing in life.  And, for several reasons lately, in this arena, as in my online photo journal, I have been a big huge procrastinator.  Although that quote means something very different to me today, than it did years ago, I find that procrastination still is a thief.  A thief of my authenticity.  And the further I get from what I want to do, the more I hide, and the more power she has.  And, so it goes until I am overwhelmed, and desires to put my hands up and say "I give, I don't care" become bigger and bigger.   But, the truth is: I care a lot, because a long time ago, I found that part of my fire burns much more brightly when I show up where it matter to ME.  One place it really matters is right here.

Many years ago I started my online photo journal called : andhannie, and I am not going to lie...my initial motivation  was mostly out of  curiosity of public exposure and how that would feel.  I think I wanted to know that kind of validation. (or lack thereof)  It's only human to be curious, and even more so to admit to it.  As time has passed though, my drive to keep my online photo journal updated has turned completely inward.  Although I have no reservations about others peeking in and seeing what I post, the amount of  external "checking in" on this page is very slightly on my mind, and has little to do with why this is currently most important to me.  Journaling has always been a part of me.  I have journals dating back to when I was a toddler and my dad wrote in it for me, and I kept one all through my childhood and teenage years, into my twenties.  And, mid twenties.  And, then my unhappiness took over, and I quit for a minute.  I processed through my divorce, started my new journey, and then back in two thousand and something.... I think 08, I showed back up journaling away... right here.  

So, that's why it bugged me that I was so behind.  Almost two months behind.  And, when talking about the holiday season, that is a lot of photos, and events, and really cute moments of Dare that I didn't post.  So, it has nagged at me.  Bad.

Tonight, I decided because I cannot sleep, I will FINALLY post, and I will not care what was missed.  But, I will catch up as best I can.  And I will be raw.  Because that is what I like best in life: authenticity. 

Family Photos by my Jules.  I love her. 

 Dare, dare, DaRe

 Santa with the Seiferts

 The favorite Chirstmas gift.  A bike from Santa.

 It snowed on Christmas morning.  Perfection.  And perfect for building his first snowman with Daddy!

 The Nutcracker with Mom Foutz the day after Christmas

 Our 7th Anniversary trip to our favorite spot on Mission Beach...The Surfrider.

 And, this is February?!?  Weather in the 60's.  Unbelievable, but I will take it!!

 This one is for my D.  He loves his angels.  And I need to remind him of this later when he may forget.  But, for now, he sees this photo and he knows his "papa" and "grandma" very well, says their names with no promptings ever, and gets very frustrated when I pull away and close the photo out.  He loves to stare at them.  And he smiles.  And his eyes twinkle.  

They have been gone from my life here since I was 4.  That was over 34 years ago.  He isn't yet 2.  But, his relationship with my grandparents is as real to him as it is to me... I still talk to them. And so does he. My eyes get watery just typing this.  But, it's happy water, so it's ok.

 My resolve from here on, is to not get so behind, so that many more moments in form of photo and random thought can be captured and saved right here.  Many efforts now will result in countless more treasures saved...reasons for more future happy water to be shed.