cleanse

I remember being so hesitant last year as we made preparations to go camping. All I could think about was all the prep, the dirt, the grime, the lack of showers and water, the work, the cooking, the packing and unpacking, and the piles of laundry. It was just too much to think about, let alone actually DO! But, after a very successful trip last year, which turned out to be so much better than my wild imagination led me to believe; I actually looked forward to this year’s trip. I looked forward to no technology, to not being able to be reached via cell phone, internet, IM, text messaging, etc… I looked forward to listening to the wind, to the night sounds in nature, to the crackling firewood, and the distant animal noises that freak me out a bit, but also excite me. I even looked forward to making meals for my two men. The two men that had one sole purpose for this trip: to search for, find, and kill that ever so perfect buck. Yes, morbid to me, but completely thrilling and exciting to them. But, whatever the reason that brought us to the wooded campsite up Harris Flat is of little importance. Of greater importance are the quiet moments in which lessons were learned. I sat by the fire one night as I held down the fort (i.e. campsite). The smells of fresh wood burning and the sounds of its crackling invigorated me. I LOVE FIRE! I always have. Ask my mom. I grew up with a basement window that always filled with leaves in the fall-time. One fall I had the cleverest idea: to light the leaves on fire! Good thing our house was made of brick! That is all I have to say about that! Anyway, I sat there one night while the men were out being men… the brave hunters they are. I stared at the fire for a long time. As I stared, I thought and thought, and just let my mind go. My thoughts turned to cleansing and to the idea that fire is a cleanser. I then thought about all the things in my life that I could get rid of which would ignite an internal cleanse of myself. I had a notebook and pen beside me and I grabbed them. I started to write all the things in my life or in my character that just needed to go. Things that were in me, or a part of me, that needed to burn. To be rid of those things could help me be better, be cleansed. I tore the papers apart so that each word was its separate piece. I then crinkled the papers and one by one threw them into the fire. As I did this, I released that thing from my life. It was a peaceful night. It was an awakening for my soul. I could feel the cleansing from the powers of the divine. It was healing and it was good. I went to bed that night feeling lighter, feeling refreshed. Just because I had that experience, I know it does not make me perfect, and I am not that naive to believe that I won’t ever again possess those characteristics that I burned that night. But, what I do know is that awareness, and the willingness to accept imperfection in ones self, and then to consciously “burn” those things, is a huge step toward being a much better human being. So, upon returning home, although I still had piles of laundry to wash from our second camping adventure, it just didn’t seem to matter. I had moved one more step forward and toward progression. And it just felt right.